The story of our baby boy

October 30, 2008 would be the day that would forever change our lives, who knew two pink lines could mean so much? It was strange but from the moment I saw those lines I felt that something was wrong, at the time I just did not know how right I was. Our first doctors appointment was somewhat eventful. My HGC levels had not doubled as they had hoped, but none the less our baby had a very strong flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. I was already in love! Over the course of our pregnancy we had many more ultrasound's, mainly because I was spotting, and each ultrasound showed a baby that had a strong heartbeat, but was measuring a little small. I knew something was off, but everyone kept saying that the baby was just little and would catch up. Fast forward to February 16th, the day we were so excited for, this was the day we would find out if our little bean was a boy or a girl (although I had said all along he was a boy). When the baby came up on the ultrasound screen my heart stopped, I could tell something was wrong. He was curled up in a ball and was not moving very much. The ultrasound tech tried to measure him and I could see that all the measurements were coming up 16w5d. What??? 16w5d, this baby was 18w5d and in baby weeks that is a huge difference. As the doctor came in we knew something was terribly wrong. They sent us over to the hospital to get a level 2 ultrasound. While driving I called our genetic specialist to see if our quad screen (a test to check chromosomes) had come back yet, at that moment I knew this baby was very sick. Our test came back with a 1:5 chance of our baby having Trisomy 18, a rare but fatal chromosomal disorder. I was crushed, but then I had to tell Jason. He was in the car with me, but he was still very hopeful that everything would be ok. As we made our way to the ultrasound the world around me stopped, why us, why this baby, why now? We had done everything right, got married, had stable jobs, had a good home, we are good people, why us??? So we did the only thing that we could, we prayed. We prayed harder than we had ever prayed in our life's. If we were going to get through this God was going to have to help in a big way! The ultrasound confirmed that was the baby was sick, but we were not sure how sick, so they suggested I get an amniocentesis. I did, and we were told that the results would be in by Wednesday. Telling our family and friends was heartbreaking, but we knew we needed their prayers and support. We wanted to give our baby a fighting chance. As I sat at home that night I picked up the bible and asked God to lead me to a scripture or passage that would help us. I was hoping that it would be something about miracles, instead I read this "When bad weather strikes, everyone immediately heads for shelter. When hard times come, the psalmist encourages everyone to head to shelter-God. The protection he offers is tailor made to fit any kind of trouble. Is God your first option for shelter when trouble comes?" I knew at that point no matter how hard this was going to be, everything would be ok. Over the course of the next two days God showed me many more passages just like that one, he showed us the love and compassion of our friends and families and showed us how strong our love was for each other. Tuesday night I began to think something was wrong, Wednesday the thought was stronger, so I called the doctor and asked if we could come in for another ultrasound. We had just seen the baby Monday with a strong heartbeat, but there was an overwhelming sense that the baby was no longer with us. I was right, there on the ultrasound screen was our perfect baby with no heartbeat. It was almost comforting to see him so peaceful, I knew he was in a better place. We again had the task of informing everyone that our baby was gone. Later that afternoon we got a call from our genetic specialist, our baby had a rare, fatal chromosomal disorder called Triploidy. Essentially he had an entire extra set of chromosomes. She assured us this was rare, was not our fault and would not happen again. She also told us the news we were so excited to hear just two days earlier, our baby was a boy. I believe that God gave us many miracles throughout this, he let us have our beautiful baby for 19w, he took our baby home with him so we would not have to make a decision that any parent should ever have to make, but most of all he gave us an angel to look over us. One day we will meet our baby, perfect in every way. I also believe that our little boy held on so we could see him one more time, I feel like he was saying hello and goodbye at the same time. The healing has begun and we have a long road ahead of us, but I am faithful that with each other and God we will be just fine.