1 Year

I am forewarning you that this is not going to be a feel good, happy post. I am sad and think it is important to express those feelings as well. To understand today, you have to go back to the beginning of our TTC journey. We officially started trying in September 2008. After only 1 BFN, I was discouraged. I am an immediate gratification kind of person. If I see something I want, I won't stop until I get it....right then :) On October 30th 2008 my discouragement changed to joy in an instant. 2 pink lines at 7am in the morning. It was the best feeling ever. I will never forget how excited, nervous and scared I was, all at the same time! Looking back I was so innocent to pregnancy and all the heartbreak that was to come. I wish I could be that innocent again one day. I know however, that will never happen. When most people get 2 pink lines, they get a baby in 9 months. For us, it seems that is not our story. We get heartbreak, tears, surgeries and pain. Hopefully one day 2 pink lines will mean a baby. Hopefully one day I can be as innocent to pregnancy as I was that fall day in October. Hopefully next October 30th I have a healthy, normal baby here on earth with me. Hopefully one day....